


A Way to Feel through Music

by aceofhearts88



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: John Wright - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofhearts88/pseuds/aceofhearts88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Hell Night:</p>
<p>As the Stuart mend their strained friendship, they decide to start anew with a truth-and-only-the-truth rule, but some secrets are just harder to swallow than others. Was this the end for Julian and Logan now, or only the start for something new?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Parachute

**Author's Note:**

> The song used in this is "Parachute" by Lawson

Julian babbled, it wasn`t even plain talking anymore and it was surely not what any of his two best friends had expected after they had sat down in his room. No more secrets. Brutal honesty. They had made each other swear after they had finally been reunited in their home again, from now on they wouldn`t lie to each other anymore.   
Derek and Logan had been over quick, there really wasn`t much to tell the other ones, they had never really seen the necessity to keep something hidden from each other, whereas the actor was just going on and on and on... Derek wasn`t so sure if he could take anything more, sitting on the actors desk, he kept on staring at his friends, blinking at the sheer amount of things suddenly bubbling to the surface. 

Julian was constantly pushing a hand through his hair, making himself look even more wild and desperate to get it all out, but the athlete was more concerned about the glazed over look in green eyes. Logan hadn`t moved in one hour, he was still sitting on the actors bed, legs crossed, hands on his lap, eyes focused on a spot on the wall across from him. Julian wasn`t even seeing them anymore, once he had started talking about Paris, which had Derek debating whether or not to ever visit that city again.  
Logan had been completely silent for the whole half an hour Julian had talked about that Sebastian kid and the various places they had now ruined in Paris to visit, Derek was sure that he would never be able to look at French food again without wondering if it had grazed Julians body, but Logans silence was disturbing him.

"And yeah, I mean the chances of ever seeing him again are next to non existent, so I don`t think he is even worth getting upset over.", Julian was blabbering on, clearly intend to sooth Logans temper down again, it wasn`t easy to put into words what was developing between them, but Derek was still trying, "It`s not like you know him, Cameron though… who I see everytime I go back to L.A.", where a whole story about deflowering every single beautiful place in one of the most beautiful cities in the world hadn`t gotten a rise out of the silent blond, one single familiar name had Logans head snap up and stare into sudden frozen sepia ones.

"Cameron Pike?", the prefects voice echoed around the room, Julian stopped his pacing, "You slept with Pike?", Derek and Julian both heard how high pitched the blond singers voice suddenly turned, green eyes somewhere between unbelieving and shocked, before he cleared his throat, but Julian was quick to clear things up.  
"No, No, I didn`t. He kissed me, he just kissed me.", which was probably exactly not what Logan had wanted to hear, one eyebrow raised he stared right back at Julian, "I was freaking out over my first movie kiss, you know, when I hadn`t even properly been kissed in real life.", both boys almost held their breaths, when Logan got to his feet and pushed a hand over his face, "Lo, it didn`t mean anything. I was fourteen, and Cameron is like the brother I never had… He…", Logan let out a dark and hollow laugh, before he walked towards the door.

"I think I need a moment before we continue.", spoken without looking at them, Logan gave them a moment to protest, but when nothing came he opened the door and was gone. Julian turned around to look at Derek, confusion and concern in his golden eyes, but Derek couldn`t give him anything more than a shoulder shrug. he had no idea what was going through Logans head.

He found him on the roof, leaning against one of the pipes, facing away from Windsor and Main, head cradled in his hands, hands covering his face. Julian swallowed down the lump building in his throat and closed the door behind himself, even though every fiber in his body was screaming to turn around and run, but he didn`t come any closer than another two steps, before Logan spoke.

"Don`t come any closer.", and Julian froze on the spot, when Logans broken voice reached his ears, and the last hope that it had just been too much for the blond boy shattered away, when green eyes appeared behind pale hands, and he could see just how crushed the other boy was.  
"Lo..."  
"I don`t even know who you are anymore.", it broke out of the prefect before he could have stopped himself, taking a deep shaking breath, Logan got to his feet, pushing both hands over his face, Julian couldn`t remember a time, where that hadn`t been a constant movement in Logans life, "I don`t know anymore if I am talking to you, or if it`s just another role you are playing."

"Logan..."

"No, Julian! No!", whirling around to face him again from where he had previously stared into the sky with thoughtful eyes, Logan let his green eyes penetrate Julians soul, "For once you have no right to stop me.", the actor could see the betrayal and the hurt, "When you told us that you wanted this honesty and nothing but honesty rule between us now, I was convinced that you had never had a better idea, that it would finally help to get all of this behind us, so we would be friends again.", Julian hadn`t thought the word friend could have sliced more through his heart, because hadn`t they already been more in the last weeks, "And suddenly I have to listen to all of these secrets that you kept from us, and it just keeps on getting more and more, and all I could think is that this is not what I signed up for.", Logan took another shaky breath and for the first time since he had woken up from his coma, Julian saw the walls around Logans emotions fall down, saw them crumbling to pieces, "You had so many different lives outside of this school that I am starting to believe that I never truly had Julian Larson as a friend, just some copy...", Julian went to protest whole heartedly, but a glare from green eyes made him stop before he could have even muttered one word, "How do you want me to tell the difference, Julian? How do you want me to see what the lie is and what not? How am I supposed to know when the mask is up and when it is just you? How, when I don`t even know my own best friend anymore."

"But this is me, Lo.", Julian took his chance of interrupting when Logan took another breath, finally stepping close enough to reach for Logans hand, he pulled it up, Logans fingers curling themselves around his jaw on autopilot, "This is me. It has always been here, always been me with you."

"I wish it would be easy to believe you.", Logan whispered, taking his hand back, "I think I need some time before we can continue this honesty road. Some time to think... especially about us.", taking back his hand, Logan made to leave, but not before placing a chaste kiss on Julians forehead, and it was this simple gesture that brought the tears to Julians eyes. 

Logan had been doing it since he had come back to Dalton, every night, every single time they parted ways to go to bed, Logan had kissed his forehead, even now, with green eyes looking as betrayed and hurt as never before.

By the time Julian reached his room again, Logan had left Stuart House all together, he had only given a small explanation to Derek before grabbing his car keys and rushing off, and Julian didn`t know exactly what came over him, when he started bawling like a three year old.   
Positively having been scared shitless, Derek called Kurt to comfort him, because even though he had always been their rock, Derek had reached his end, he was just 100% percent done with their shit and fuck ups, and Julian couldn`t even blame him anymore.

Kurt came with enough ice cream to feed an army, Reed hot on his heels with carefully selected romance movies that had no one staring in it from Julians Hollywood circles.  
"You want to explain anything?", Windsors diva demanded of him once both boys had made themselves comfortable in his room, Julian snorted, halfway hidden under his comforter.

"I fucked it up. Once again.", and after catching sighed of Kurts raised eyebrow, he launched into the story, sighing only when Reed offered him a box of chocolate ice cream.   
After what felt like an eternity of talking, eating ice cream and watching sappy and horrible chick flicks, Julian still felt awful, Logans pained green eyes not disappearing from his mind.

"Well, you know, there is only one way of making sure Logan realizes you are really trying to be you for once.", Julians head popped out from under the comforter after Kurt had spoken, "Logan feels through music, right? It`s the only time he ever lays everything bare, he is at his most vulnerable when he sings. Do the same.", proposed as if it was the easiest thing on the planet.  
"Kurt is right, pick a song, show him what you feel. Kurt and I, we`ll back you up."

"We can have a stage ready in one hour.", all three of them jumped when Ethans head suddenly appeared in Julians open window.

And so it was decided, and while Kurt went with the twins to prepare every logistic necessity for the serenation, Julian still couldn`t help but roll his eyes, Reed staid behind with him to pick a song, and halfway through it all, he deleted Sebastians number from his phone. It was over, he had left that life behind in the fire, he had changed, that person wasn`t him anymore. 

Reed adviced him to take the stage just as he was right then, no matter how loud Julian protested for a shower and a chance at dulling his red shot eyes, but Reed, the little traitor, called for Derek and Marcus, and both boys quite forcefully pulled him from the house and all over to the inner courtyard where Blaine met them with obvious confusion.  
"I don´t know half of the things that are happening right now, but Kurt gave me the order to find Logan...", at that point he threw a very befuddled look into all of their faces, later Julian would learn that Kurt had yelled at his boyfriend in passing that Logan needed him to pick him up, "And I know where he is, so I am going there now. Do whatever you think you need to do."

Half an hour later, there was still no sign of Logan on the grounds, but at least ninety percent of the school had assembled, and Julian felt sick since he had seen Derek wrench the phone from Kurts hand and vanishing behind a corner behind the little makeshift stage the twins had quite literally pulled out from their car.  
"You know.", Reed piped up again, Julian was half annoyed and half happy that the little painter refused to leave his side, where he was sitting on the ground, hidden behind music boxes, "I may not know Logan like you do, but if he sees you singing like this, he`ll know it`s you. And also,... Shane just texted me that Blaine had laid quite heavily on Logan in the coffee shop. He feels guilty."

Julian had wanted to retort that he didn`t need to feel guilty, that he had been right to be hurt, but Ethan and Evan appeared out of thin air and hauled them to their feet.  
"He just entered through Main, looks a little irritated, but he doesn´t seem to want to leave. And we`ll make sure he listens.", all said in changing voices and while pushing them both onto the stage, and there Julian stumbled to the mic and found Logans green eyes in the crowd so easily.  
The music started just as Kurt took his place next to Reed behind him, and with a shaking hand Julian grabbed the mic, taking a deep breath he closed his eyes for a second, let the pain and the blame flood his veins again, and then looked up and began to sing.

I was so high up in the sky  
Like the sun behind the clouds  
In the engines of the almighty  
A blind man on the bow  
Come take me back up in your open arms where I belong  
So high up in the sky  
When I found my wings were gone. 

He looked right at Logan and saw no one else, and when he saw green eyes widening, his heart skipped a beat and the tremors in his voice vanished, just as Kurt and Reed backed him up for the chorus.

If I had a parachute, I wouldn't fall so hard like I did for you  
If my heart was bulletproof, I wouldn't bleed so much like I do for you  
Woahh, I wish I had a parachute

He pulled the mic from its stand then, in the crowd Derek leaned closer to Logan and whispered something to him, Logan narrowed his eyes for a moment, before he seemed to relax, his stance almost falling into himself, and all the while Julian sang. From his heart, from the very bottom of his soul, and it was all for Logan.

Wake me up with an army  
I'm under your command  
If your coming to save me  
Then take me by the hand  
Rescue me my love from the broken man that I've become  
Wake me up with an army, cause your the only one 

And the last words shot right home, Julian could see how Logan stumbled a step back from the sheer force of determination in Julians eyes, the determination to finally show him where he belonged, where he wanted to belong.

If I had a parachute, I wouldn't fall so hard like I did for you  
If my heart was bulletproof, I wouldn't bleed so much like I do for you  
Woahh, I wish I had a parachute

And when the second chorus came to a close, Julian took a last leap of faith and jumped from the stage, the crowd of boys instantly forming a pathway from him to the boy with the blond hair. And the sixteen steps he had to take to get to him, they felt like a lifetime.

If I had a parachute, I wouldn't fall so hard like I did for you  
If my heart was bulletproof, I wouldn't bleed so much like I do for you  
Woahh, I wish I had parachute

He couldn`t finish the song, for Logan grabbed him before he could have started the last verse and kissed him so hard that he dropped the microphone.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I need time to think.", Julian reached out a hand towards Logan, but he gently pushed it away, "I`ll call my father and tell him that I will go to D.C. with him.", and when his door closed behind him and Julian was left all alone in the corridor, he could feel every last remaining piece of his heart shatter away.


	2. For you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this is "I'd come for you" by Nickelback

"Dad?", John hums behind his newspaper and Logan takes another look at the night sky over Washington, before he found his words, they were sitting on the balcony of their hotel suite, two days of speeches and talks already behind them, "Do you think I was too harsh on Julian?", the newspaper was pushed down immediately and Logan wondered how long his father had been waiting for that question to come up.

John had been surprised when Logan had called him to tell him he would accompany him to this conference, and after some dodging, Logan had finally revealed to him on the plane what his reasons where, why he needed a short time out from the Academy and especially his friends.  
He had staid silent through it all, and even though his eyes had tried to coax him into talking, he had not forced the topic upon his son and Logan had been undeniably happy and relieved about it, it had given him time to get his thoughts in order, time to realize what it was he really wanted.  
"Logan, you had your reasons to act the way you did.", Logan glanced back at his father.  
"Is that your diplomatic way of telling me that I fucked up?"

"Yes."

"Thanks...", Logan was silent for another moment, feeling green eyes upon himself, "He lied, he kept so many things from me.", his father interrupted him before he could have gone on.  
"Now, which one did he do? Lied to you or kept things from you? Because you and I, we both know those are very different things. One lies to hurt, Logan, but you keep things from someone because you want to protect them from the truth.", John saw how Logan narrowed his eyes in thought, "His intention were good, son. What would you have done if Julian had always told you everything... and I am not talking about Adam, I am talking about all those small things that had happened before."  
"I would have worried about him. He was obviously unhappy."

"Yes, see. Worried about him, and if I`ve known anything in the last weeks about Julian Larson, then that he would shift the world around to make sure you are happy. He is a very selfless person, you always came first, you don`t expect me to hold some Parisian fling over his head now, do you? And you shouldn`t either.", Logan stared into the night, before he sighed and dropped his face into his hands, John leaned forward and patted his back.  
"You`ve come to that realization on your own, didn`t you?"

"Yeah.", Logan mumbled behind his hands, "I just...", and he looked up again, with that ever thinking frown edged into his face, John almost hated that expression by then, "You and Mum, it broke apart because she kept things from you... she wasn`t honest..."

"Logan, don´t compare your mother and me to Julian and yourself, please don`t. There is nothing even close to similar between us. I loved your mother, I married her because I loved her.", Logan leaned back in his chair again and looked at his father, at the small smile that seemed to be on his face 24/7 since some weeks now, "But that was about where things ended for us, because she never truly loved me. She started to keep things from me, started seeing other men, began evading questions, it went downhill long before we got divorced. Julian loves you, Logan, everyone can see that, and I don´t have to be your father to see that you feel the same for him now."  
Logan groaned and closed his eyes, "I fucked up royally, right?"

"If that is the expression you kids use these days, then yes, you did, but I am sure there is a way for you to make it up to him. Show him that you are sorry and what you want to feel at the same time."  
"How?", Logan wanted to know, looking to him in bewilderment, John chuckled.

"You are the musical genius, you think of something.", it did send him thinking, fingers playing with his iPod he had brought outside before the calm night had been more soothing, but now, he had to think of the one song that his playlist kept on coming up with whenever the random generator played himself into a loop. It was rather fitting.  
"I can see the wheels turning, my boy."

"There might be something, I think I need to call the twins later. See if they would be willing to help with something... Dad, can I ask another question?", not even having taken his attention from him for a second John nodded, "Why were you never angry with Mum? I know you argued a lot and fought over money and houses during the divorce, but you never once tried to convince me she was a bad person. Not after you found out about her affairs, not when she took out the nasty stuff during the divorce, and surely not after she had left. You never said a single bad word about her, even though she hurt you, hurt me. I just wonder why."

"Your mother might have betrayed me and hurt me deeply, Logan, but she gave me you. And protecting you was more important than convincing you she was to blame for everything."

On Monday morning, his father brought him back to Dalton personally and later Logan would look back on those two hours in the car and realize that it had been the first time he had really felt his fathers pride of him when he had told him about his wooing plans.  
The twins were waiting for him outside the entrance to Main as John pulled the car to a stop in one of the parking spaces, Logan looked to him in confusion.  
"What? Do you honestly expect me not to stay and see this? I had to listen to your whining for the last five hours, I have earned myself this right.", Logan swatted his fathers arm in response, but still followed him out of the car. Evan and Ethan looked surprised upon seeing the senator walking up to them alongside him, but Logan sent them a look that told them to stay quiet about it for now.

"Where is Julian?", he asked them, and Ethan nodded towards Stuarts direction behind Main.  
"Kurt and Reed took control over him, but Dereks been getting SOS signals since fifteen minutes, we don`t know how long they can still keep him occupied.", pointedly ignoring the raised eyebrow of his father, Logan nodded.  
"Well, it`s a good thing, I`m here now. Lead the way."

The twins lead them through Main and onto the courtyard, where they had assembled the stage again, the same one Julian had sung from to him last week, Logan sent the twins to rally everyone up and to get everything ready, when Derek approached them, doing a double take upon spotting John next to him, but he was wise enough to ignore it.  
"Jules is close to throttling Hummel, I hope you are ready."

"Trust me, D, never been more ready.", Derek grinned, and Logan turned back to his father, "Make sure Julian doesn`t see you. I want this to work."  
"I`m a ghost.", Logan rolled his eyes, but gave his father one last hug before he strode over to the stage, Derek turned to the senator.  
"He thought about this, didn`t he? I don`t know how many fuck ups I can take with these two...", John laughed as Derek angrily kicked some pebbles away and reached out to squeeze his shoulder.

Fifteen minutes later, Logan was peaking out from the stages dark side corners, the boys had rallied onto the grounds again, promised by the twins to see some epic romance evolving. Kurt and Reed had dragged Julian along, who upon spotting the stage and the other boys looked more confused than annoyed.  
"Show time.", Evan almost screamed into his ear when he suddenly appeared and Logan jumped, "... you`re ready for this? We`ve been waiting a long time."  
"Evan, I swear..."

"Shutting up already. Now go, get him."

One last deep breath and Logan walked on stage, not looking up until he was standing behind the microphone, and then Evan started the music. It was now or never, and he searched until he found sepia eyes among the crowd of boys and then he started to sing.

Just one more moment   
That's all that's needed   
Like wounded soldiers   
In need of feeling 

Time to be honest   
This time I'm pleading   
Please don't dwell on it   
'Cause I didn't mean it 

Ethan and Evan backed him up then, while he effortlessly held Julians gaze, whose eyes slowly widened with the realization of the message behind his words.

I can't believe I said   
I'd lay my love on the ground   
But it doesn't matter   
'Cause I made it up   
Forgive me now 

Everyday I spent away   
My soul's inside out   
Gotta be someway   
That I can make it up   
To you now some how 

Out of the corner of his vision he saw Kurt and Reed slowly edging away from Julians side, pulling some boys away on their path to give Julian some space, until only Derek remained at his side.

By now you know that   
I'd come for you   
No one but you   
Yes, I'd come for you   
But only if you told me to 

I'd fight for you   
I'd lie, it's true   
Give my life for you   
You know I'd always come for you 

And the song continued, and Logan sang and poured his soul into his words, knowing that there was only this chance at making right what he had done wrong. And there was only Julian, only Julian in the mass of boys, only Julian for him.

And I'd fight for you   
I'd lie, it's true   
Give my life for you   
You know I'll always come for you 

No matter what gets in my way   
As long as there's still life in me   
No matter what, remember   
You know I'll always come for you 

I'd crawl across this world for you   
Do anything you want me to   
No matter what, remember   
You know I'll always come for you   
You know I'll always come for you 

And when the last verse of the chorus drifted away and the music slowly ended, Logan threw the mic towards Evans quickly reacting hands, jumped from the stage and crossed the remaining distance to Julian with long strides.  
Derek quickly took a step back when he curled his hands around Julians face, whose eyes weary teary eyed, "It`ll always be you.", and Julian crashed their lips together in a fiery kiss, and this time, Logan was more than happy to respond.


End file.
